Wednesday, February 22, 2012


Every one of us will have times when we are criticized, sometimes fairly, but more often unfairly, creating stress in our hearts and minds and sometimes in our relationships. It could be someone at home, your workplace, your church, your school or even your social circle always trying to find fault in things you do or maybe always speaking negatively about you ,trying to make you look bad or maybe blowing some minor incident out of proportion. Usually anyone doing any of these is definitely not trying to help you, but is simply trying to drag you down.

Over time through personal experience, I have learnt and realized that criticizing someone doesn’t bring about lasting changes, instead it incurs resentment. Criticism is futile sometimes because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person’s pride, hurts his sense of importance and arouses resentment.

Hanes selye a great psychologist said ‘As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation’. The resentment that criticism engenders can demoralize employees, family members, children and friends and still not correct the situation that has been condemned. Most times when we convey things in a pleasant tone of voice, resounding the benefits or importance, it stays and often makes impact. Using my own experience, I have equally noticed that when one is being criticised all the thoughts that comes to the persons head is ways to justify himself.

Naturally we know how to justify our actions,(both reasonable and unreasonable) even when we are not criticized, not to talk of someone who is being criticized. We all have this in us, not because we are bad people but it’s just human nature in action. In our society we see wrong doers (evil perpetrators) blaming everybody but themselves. Let’s look at the major evils befalling our society today, take the ‘bokoharam sect’ which is a deadly sect, yet they speak up justifying their deadly acts by saying they have an un spelt course they are fighting for:(scrap of western education and in their dreams trying to Islamise our Gods nation Nigeria) Or is it the Niger Deltan Militants that cry for marginalisation, but they convey their issues by perpetrating all sorts.

Certainly constructive criticism can be helpful, but most times, it is not conveyed the right way, instead it is often presented, with an intentional sting. When you and i are tempted to criticize someone, we should always remember that they will try to justify themselves and condemn us in return. In other to achieve the desired change in them we should be careful on how we pass it on.

Like Lincolns favourite quotations ‘Judge not, that ye be not judged’. It is important we remember that we are dealing with creatures of emotions.

Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure why they do what they do .This is a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism, and it breads sympathy, tolerance and kindness and it is worthy of note that it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Goal Setting

Successful people are successful because they are very clear about their values. Complete failures have no real values at all. The virtues and qualities that you stand for are what constitute the person you have become from the beginning of your life to this moment.

Your ability to set goals and make plans for their accomplishment is the “master skill” of success. The development of this ability and your making it a lifelong habit will do more to assure high success and achievement in your life than any other skill you can possibly learn.

As with anything, you only own the process of goal setting by learning it and then by applying it over and over for yourself until it becomes automatic, like breathing in and breathing out. Your goal must be to become a continuous goal setter. You must become so clear and focused about what it is you want that every single hour of every day you find yourself doing things that are moving you in achieving your GOAL.

Nothing happens by accident. Everything happens for a reason. And you are the “primary creative force” in your own life. Things are happening in your life because you make them happen, not because you sit around and wait for them to happen.

In attaining our goals the under listed can serve as a guiding principle:

CLARITY: is the most important single quality of goal-setting You have to know exactly what you want in each area of your life, If your goal is getting more money, you should be specific about exactly how much more money you want to earn in a specific period of time
Most people are unconsciously preoccupied with the fear of failure. It is the greatest single obstacle to success in life. And the fear of failure can work on you unconsciously by blocking you from setting clear specific goals.

WRITE YOUR GOALS DOWN. When your goals are written, it shows that you are clear on what you want. Nonetheless, a goal that is written down is merely a fantasy or a wish. A goal that is clearly written and described on a piece of paper is now something concrete that you can touch and feel and work with.

SET A DEADLINE: If it is a large goal, set a series of sub-deadlines and if it is not achieved during that time frame, set another one and work towards it.

MAKE A LIST: Making a list of everything you can possibly think of that can help you achieve your goals, this in turn intensifies you.Howver,after making a list, it is important you prioritize by drawing a scale of preference.

TAKE ACTION: Most people have great ideas combined with great hopes and dreams. They may even get to the point of writing down their goals. But when it comes to taking action, they always have a reason or excuse to procrastinate to put it off until a later time. However, as the Bible says, “Faith without deeds is dead.”
It is when you launch toward your goal that you begin to feel the desire and power that goes along with goal setting. And once you have launched toward your goal, it is much easier for you to continue moving in that direction

DAILY ACTION: It is rewarding when you do something every day to move you toward your major goal. Never let a day go by without you engaging in some action that helps you move another step in the direction of what you really, really want in life.

These simple principles of deciding exactly what you want, writing it down, setting a deadline, making a list, taking action on the most important item on your list and then doing something every day towards your goal will change your life and your future in ways that you cannot even dream of.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Discovering Your Purpose in Life

Do you know how to give your life meaningful direction? I will point out three steps that can guide you in discovering the purpose of your life:

1) Understanding the principle of choice
2) Creating your underlying principle

3) Aligning your life with the underlying principle

The power of choice is the greatest power we have, it’s a choice to be happy, if you are fearful, you can overcome that misery by choosing to have courage. The whole trend and the quality of anyone's life are determined by the choices that are made".

Choosing is the most important activity of your mind because by making a choice, you are proclaiming your desires to your subconscious mind. Once the subconscious mind gets to know your desires, it is going to do anything to manifest them in your life.
The choices you make in your life become your goal. And, if you are sincere in pursuing them, there is no reason why you should not accomplish them.

Indecision, on the other hand, not only creates frustration and anxiety, but can also confuse the subconscious mind about what you want. But it is important that the choices you make are made by you, in accordance with your true desires and purposes. A lot us of let others make choices for us, or make our choices according to what we think is 'correct', even if it means that we go against our wishes. What is right for someone may not be right for you, and the way to know this is listen to what your heart says.

Begin with, making a list of things which interests you; things which you have always enjoyed, which make you feel better, inspires you to charge ahead, no matter what obstacles you face. Do you like doing something creative, or something artistic? Do you enjoy nature, do you like the sea? Do you enjoy helping others? Do you love teaching? Do you enjoy singing? Do you enjoy repairing things? Do you get pleasure out of making a difference in other people's life?

Whatever it is that interests you, go ahead and make a list, with the under listed headings.

Things you love to do.
What is it that you love in this thing and why?
How you could do this for money, and make a living out of it?